There is no such thing as self-sabotage
I’ve been toying with this idea recently - that there is no such thing as self-sabotage. Self-sabotage suggests that we act in a way that interferes with our goals and well-being. Self-sabotage may include overeating while on a diet or procrastination while on a deadline. Here’s the thing: we are always trying to serve ourselves and protect our interests. Overeating is an attempt to soothe something. Procrastination is an attempt to protect you from something. We are not sabotaging ourselves, we are trying to take care of ourselves. It just comes out in a maladaptive way.
I used to relate to the concept of self-sabotage, but lately, I don’t find it to be a particularly helpful one. Thinking that I’m sabotaging myself erodes trust with myself. Thinking that I’m acting against my own interests is disconcerting. I am always acting in my own interests. The question is which particular interest? The interest to be comfortable and safe? Or the interest to be challenged and grow?
“Self-sabotage” emerges when we are managing competing interests. I like to think of it as misprioritization instead. I prioritize my need for comfort over my need for growth. This applies in both cases above - overeating and procrastination. In fact, for most acts of “self-sabotage”, that is the ultimate tension - comfort over growth.
Reframing self-sabotage as misprioritization has been helpful to me. I don’t find it motivating to try to overcome “self-sabotage” - that feels heavy and hard. But re-prioritizing, that sounds doable. The language we use to talk to ourselves matters. I’m finding gentler, more nuanced language to be more effective for me in this chapter of life.
What about you? What do you think about the concept of self-sabotage? Does it resonate with you?