We are back to regularly scheduled programming. For the past few months, I was writing on the topic of Yoga as a Metaphor for Life. Now, it’s time for me to return to a broader set of topics under the umbrella of rewriting your future.
Today’s topic is what I’m calling “the practices”.
We often think of states like love or joy as emotions that we experience. This is true. But they are also states that we cultivate.
Gratitude
My partner got caught out in a thunderstorm during his run this past week. I felt deeply grateful when he returned home safely and I hugged him extra tight.
I ate a meal out for the first time in awhile yesterday. I felt grateful for the beautiful and nourishing food that someone else prepared with care and for the finances that allowed me to do so.
On the one hand, I can perceive gratitude as something that happened to me in these instances. It was the result of the situations I found myself in. You could argue that any reasonable person would feel gratitude in those circumstances. That might be true.
I’ve also learned that gratitude is a practice. Like a muscle, it can grow stronger and more dextrous over time.
This is one of the premises of The Five Minute Journal - to write down three things that you are grateful for each day. To intentionally scan your day and look for reasons to express gratitude. We find what we look for, whether that’s reasons to complain or reasons to celebrate.
When we take the time to notice things that we are grateful for, we notice more things to be grateful for. And not just the big things, the little things too - because life happens in the little things. Morning coffee just the way you like it. Warm sunshine on your skin during your walk. An uplifting quote that changes your perspective.
Gratitude is not something that happens to you. It is a state of being, a practice that can be courted and cultivated.
What are you grateful for in this moment right now?
Peace
I’m learning that peace is also a practice.
When we think of peace, we often think of it in the context of war. Or we associate it with monks and spiritual gurus.
But, peace is available to all of us, each and every day.
By definition, peace is simply freedom from disturbance or a state of tranquility.
You can practice peace when you’re in a rush, but everyone else in front of you at the checkout line seems to be taking their sweet time.
You can practice peace when a person cuts you off in traffic or zooms in front of you into a parking spot.
You can practice peace when someone close to you gives you unsolicited advice.
In all of these instances, you can choose not to get hooked into reaction - impatience, anger or judgment. In all of these instances, you can choose to protect your peace.
I’m not saying to let people walk all over you or to ignore situations that clearly need to be addressed. I am saying that you might consider raising the bar on what you allow to ruffle your feathers. Address the stuff that requires addressing and let the rest go.
Where can you reclaim your peace this week?
Joy
Similar to gratitude, joy is cultivated.
Have you ever met someone that’s always happy no matter what is happening? My godmother was like this. She was always smiling, always cheerful. She struck up a conversation with nearly everyone she came in contact with. No matter where she was - the post office or the doctor’s office - she brought a breath of fresh air with her. Her presence noticeably brightened the energy of any room she was in.
Have you also met someone that’s always unhappy no matter what is happening? Clients you can’t ever seem to satisfy. Friends whose expectations you can’t ever seem to meet. Colleagues who seek more work but constantly complain about doing the work they receive.
Both of these states - joy and joylessness - are chosen.
It’s taken me a long time to understand this concept, but joy is generated internally, not externally. We know this because people can experience the exact same situation, but react in diametrically opposed ways.
If you want to experience more joy, you can choose to engage in more activities that reliably bring you joy. You can bring more joy to the activities of your everyday life such playing uplifting music or dancing while you cook and clean. And you can fully immerse yourself in whatever you are doing at that moment as presence always increases enjoyment.
Where can you infuse joy into your life this week?
Love
I left love for last since we have so many preconceived notions about what love is, what it isn’t and what we want it to be. We attach a lot of hopes and dreams to love. And expectations - oh, the expectations. Here, again, love is not something that happens to us; it is something that is practiced.
We treat love as if it’s separate from us.
We treat love as if it is something that’s bestowed from on high.
We treat love as a consequence, rather than a conscious commitment.
Love is a verb. Love is an action. Love is an intention. Love is a practice.
I find this is often easiest for people to see in intimate relationships or family relationships, since they seem to be the places that dredge up every insecurity, immaturity, trigger and shadow. Relationships are our highest and best mirrors.
Can you choose love in the face of insult? Can you choose love in the face of anger? Can you choose love in the face of resentment?
Everyday, you can choose to engage in loving behaviors. You can choose to speak with love. You can choose to act with love. You can choose to react with love - even when someone else does not.
How can you choose love today?
On one level, these practices can seem like spiritual bypassing. Just looking the other way while people run roughshod over you and your life. On another level, these practices look like you taking control of your inner life regardless of external circumstances. You can never control what goes on outside of you; you can only manage what goes on inside. Rather than focusing on what you can’t control, focus on what you can control - and you may be surprised to see that a) you don’t feel the need to control things externally anymore and b) paradoxically, things shift externally when you shift internally.